Many people would agree that the worst thing about going through a breakup is that it seems as though the emotions you're feeling will never go away: it seems that there's no rom-com, no tub of ice cream and not even a long hug from a friend that will ever make you feel better. And the most frustrating part is that you're probably being told again and again that time is the only healer.

Coming out of the overside of heartbreak can be an arduous waiting game, and often in that post-break up period you're desperately seeking something, anything, that will make you feel better right now. You might be intrigued, then, in a school of thought that says you can hypnotise yourself out of heartbreak.

Hypnosis is something that psychologists and certain sectors of the healthcare industry have been interested in for years, thought to have begun in the 1700s but with the practice of only officially being established by the American Psychological Association in the late 20th century. 'Hypnotherapy aims to tap into your subconscious mind to help you make positive changes,' explains Chloe Brotheridge, a mental health coach who offers hypnotherapy for anxiety and is the author of The Anxiety Solution.

The hypnosis hype

Hypnotherapy is most often used to treat conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety and insomnia, amongst other mental and physical health conditions, according to the Royal College of Psychiatrists. And there's plenty of research to show that hypnosis can really help, including a 2020 review that concluded that people with clinical pain who received hypnotherapy had a 73% reduction in symptoms, compared to people who didn't use the psychological tool.

Hypnosis is designed to tap into different areas of your brain, allowing you to fall into a state of deep relaxation and focussed concentration, so that your body is more receptive to suggestions and your unconscious mind is more open to new ideas, thoughts and pathways.

On TV, it involves a swinging pocket watch and a dramatic magic show in which a row of people fall asleep in front of an audience. But in reality, hypnosis usually involves listening to a therapist repeat phrases and creating mental images that are designed to tackle the issue you're trying to deal with. 'Hypnosis helps you to embrace novelty by reducing attention to the way you have always done things,' explains world-renowned clinical research psychiatrist at Stanford University, Dr. David Spiegel.

Break perspective

Dr Spiegel is also the founder of the self-hypnosis app Reveri, which offers audio hypnosis for issues such as smoking, sleep and stress relief, as well as emotional issues including heartbreak. The sessions begin by putting you into a hypnotic state.

'By getting into a state where you feel that you are floating, safe and comfortable, the body is better equipped to address issues that are troubling you,' Dr. Spiegel says. Then the guide offers lessons and perspectives for you to break unhealthy habits and unpack emotional issues. The app treats heartbreak as a type of grief, focusing on breaking the connection with someone you’ve lost while also using distraction techniques to break the cycle of reliance.

27-year-old Eva* recently went through a difficult breakup earlier this year. 'My partner broke up with me very suddenly during a tumultuous week, but we're trying to remain friends,' she says. explaining that this has brought up a lot of difficult emotions and that they have had difficulty redefining their relationship outside of it being romantic, particularly because they work together.

Eva has been considering seeking therapy, but is looking for other ways to help her process the breakup and move on too. Hypnosis wasn’t her go-to tool: 'Initially, I wouldn't have thought to use hypnosis for heartbreak so I was sceptical of it at first. But I thought it could be useful to help me break the habit of texting him all the time,' she explains.

Luckily for Eva, Reveri uses different types of hypnosis for heartbreak, including those helping you ‘manage pain perception' - designed to be used when you're feeling particularly sad or sensitive - and 'quit any habit' which will help you 'strengthen your willpower' (AKA avoid texting them back). There’s also a stress-relieving hypnosis session, breathing exercises and quick relief guides.

But before you can get started, there's a test available on the app which allows you to see how 'hypnotisable' you are. Part of this test involves imagining that your hand is lifting up in the air. 'Even when I was doing the test I thought there's no way my hand is going to lift back up but it kept lifting up,' Eva says.

Hypnotiseable approved, her sessions began. They focused on doing three 10-minute sessions a week, alongside using the ‘quit any habit’ tools when they wanted to text their ex. Whenever she had the urge to text him, she turned to Reveri instead. 'I don't know if it completely got rid of the want to text but the distraction of doing an exercise did clear my mind and let me reset to focus on doing something else,' she says. According to Eva, the prompts weren’t just distracting but also a good way to work out why the urge to text was there. 'Usually I'd just play sudoku on my phone to distract myself but Reveri also gives you a break from scrolling,' they add.

As well as breaking habits, the exercises on Reveri can also help you deal with the complex emotions around heartbreak. Having tried and given up on other methods such as journaling, Eva says she was keen to lean into the more emotional side of hypnosis. Did it work?

'Heartbreak is a way more complex emotion than something like smoking,' she says, explaining that the prompts to break down the way they were feeling and the attachments they had were sometimes too simple to apply to her specific situation. 'The hypnosis almost tries to take you out of the way you're feeling. But even though sometimes I'd feel calm at the end of a session, it was hard to stop the feelings from creeping up again.'

DIY wellness

This is one of Brotherbridge's concerns with self-hypnosis: 'Self-hypnosis can be very empowering. But here's the thing: it's a bit like DIY. You might miss some spots that a pro would catch,' she says.

For heartbreak in particular, but also any addiction or negative habit that might draw you to hypnosis, there’s an element of vulnerability. Trying to break down your feelings alone might be isolating and potentially make matters worse. But for Brotherbridge, it’s certainly better than swallowing your feelings, and people going through heartbreak certainly could benefit from more affordable options for those priced out of traditional therapy.

'It could help you to feel stronger and calmer, think about the future more positively and build up your self worth and self esteem,' she says, adding that: 'While hypnotherapy isn't a magic wand, it can help you process those heavy emotions and maybe even speed up the healing.'

Whether or not hypnosis will benefit you will also come down to your 'level of hypnotisability'. That's right - some people are more susceptible to being hypnotised than others, depending on your 'brain style', as Dr. Spiegel describes it. This is something you can test using the Reveri app.

It's usually recommended that you practise hypnotherapy on a regular basis for a set period of time, because the sessions or recordings require a lot of repetition in order to be effective. 'Hypnotherapy recordings do work and are an accessible and easy way to experience hypnotherapy,' Brotherbridge says. 'It's recommended to listen daily for two to three weeks to get results.'

Navigating toxic relationships

Toxic relationships

However, Reveri also offers shorter sessions that are designed to have immediate effect, although a lot of experts believe one session of hypnotherapy isn't enough to make a difference. 'Many people think that hypnosis only has an impact after a period of weeks, months, or even years. In reality, this isn’t the case. Reveri offers ‘Quick Relief’ one-minute self-hypnosis sessions which can be just as impactful for those with a certain level of hypnotisability,' Dr. Spiegel says. This means that for some people, self-hypnosis could be a way to help you get through heartbreak quicker than you might have otherwise. But just like other types of therapy, hypnotherapy works best when you're consistent with it and have time to dedicate to the practices.

Eva certainly isn't out the other side of heartbreak after a few weeks of trying self-hypnosis. However, she did notice a shift in her mindset: 'Something clicked and I decided to go completely cold turkey and not speak to [my ex],' they say. It's hard to say whether that was down to hypnosis or something else (it can be hard to map the power of something that targets the subconscious mind). However, Eva believes that it certainly benefited her, even if it didn't cure her heartbreak: 'I think self-hypnosis is definitely something worth trying if you're in a more traditional breakup or heartbreak scenario, especially if you're looking to change habits that are based on the absence of a person you've relied on for something,' Eva says.

Saying that, it's unlikely to be a fix-all solution, so make sure you have other coping mechanisms, whether that's traditional therapy, long chats with friends and family, journaling or mindfulness techniques. State-of-the-art hypnosis is all well and good, but who's to say you can't pair that with a Nora Ephron film and a big bar of chocolate?

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